Brock Turner, the reason women don’t talk….

This kid and his father are the reasons that most women won’t speak up. Brock’s father  is vilifying his son and making him the victim, he his making it seem as though what he did was justifiable, which is untrue as we all know. The judge also plays a big part in all of this too. When does the victim’s voice get to be heard.

Reading the father of the rapists letter sickened me. He said ‘why should he pay a lifetime in prison for 20 min of action’? What if the tables were turned what if it was is daughter what if she was raped, 20 minutes of action, by a fellow students on campus, this would have gone very differently.

What is wrong with today’s culture that there are still so many people that tare rape and incest so lightly. It disgusts me. These are very traumatic events, sometimes even leading to PTSD, suicidal thoughts or worse suicide itself. But still people just don’t get it.

There are groups out there that believe that if a woman didn’t dress, look or smell a certain way then it wouldn’t happen to her. Well it happened to me both incest and rape and I did none of the above. Anyways it doesn’t matter there’s no excuse.

My rapists got away with his crime because he had family members who were cops. My brother got away with it because no one believed(s) me. This happens every day and it needs to end.

I want to encourage you to stand up and speak out for yourself. Stay strong. These monsters need to be stopped,you must be strong and speak up. You can do it. You Are Strong Enough.

Let’s stop the Brock’s of the world and their dads.








‘El Roi’ the God who sees me

I am reading a devotional called ‘Praying Through the Names of God’ by Ann Spangler, it is not your typical devotional but it’s so good. I am definitely learning a lot. If you would like to gain a deeper understanding of God this is the book.

So on to why I decided to blog tonight, and yes I know its very late but I just started thinking and had to write and share. I came to one of the names of God, El Roi, it means ‘the God who sees’. Hagar gave it to Him when she met Him in the desert. Hagar was Sarah’s servent, Sarah could not have children so she came up with the bright idea to have her husband Abraham sleep with Hagar and she would be the surrogate. Today women would ask the surrogate to have the eggs implanted, not to sleep with their husbands (that’s adultary) and awkward. Well, Sarah obviously became jealous, told Abraham it was his fault and kicked Sarah out. It seems she may have done physical and emotional damage to her too.  Hagar did nothing but follow orders.

So, here is Hagar; pregnant, alone, scared and in the desert no place to go and no idea what to do with this unborn child. An angel approaches her and tells her that she will have a boy, what she’ll name it, that she’ll have many descendants under Abraham. She is like WHOA, Stop the Bus!!!!  Not really, she actually said “El Roi, You are the God who sees me, I have seen the ONE who sees me.” At this moment she knows He cares deeply about her. He cares as much about her as a tiny sparrow that has fallen to the ground. Oh and everything that He told her came to pass. Gen. 16:1-14 tells us.

So, I was thinking, if he loved her enough to help her, a single mother who was pregnant by a married man (not by her choice), but yet still an unwed mother, then He must love all women in that situation right? YES! And even more important He sees it all and He even knows our future. He has a wonderful future planned for us with our messy past right there in the midst of it, ready to be used to help others. As you can see Hagar’s story is helping women 2000 something years later. Wow! She was just a humble servant. We all have messy pasts but that’s what they are…PASTS…leave them there. He’s the God who sees and knows, He is the healer, the seer of all. His eye is on the sparrow and He watches over me (and you). If He used Hagar in such a mightY way imagine how He will/can use you, allow yourself to be used in a mighty way.


Give Her A Voice

I read a poem today that really stood out to me. So many women are stuck in a situation where they feel uncomfortable, unsafe and unloved. Battered women, women who are physically, sexually, and emotionally abused find it difficult to leave. Whether they are dating, married, the daughter, sister; it doesn’t matter, its not easy to get away. Some situations make it harder, but everyone is equally traumatizing and wrong. I was in one my whole life and could not get out, but used to pray constantly for a way out. I used to dream about running away or sad to say it, being kidnapped (how tragic and wrong, I think back now and I’m glad I wasn’t). I am glad that I didn’t run away and that I wasn’t kidnapped, because I believe my life was to go the way it went so that I could be here at this moment writing this blog, encouraging others through my journey of abuse and rape. I would not have taught preschool and met my lifelong friend. I would not have met my husband or had my two beautiful girls. Yes, I suppose I could have gone on another journey but I don’t think I would have wanted it that way. I actually, like to share my story, although at times its more difficult than others, I know its helpful to many(and healing for me).  So, why do we stay? I’m not sure and I don’t even think we are even sure ourselves. I think that we’re afraid to leave, afraid that if we leave we’ll be followed, afraid that if we leave we will not find anyone else to love us because well, if we were abused we must not have been worthy enough (which is NOT true) the one who abused is not worthy. Everyone has a right to a decent loving relationship; one that is beautiful, caring, fair, and appropriate. If you know someone in such a situation, show them love, show them you truly care, and try to help them leave. There are many resources out there. It’s not easy to leave but it’s possible. I was blessed enough to have a grandmother to help me move out on my own, to get away. I was quite independent. But the key to helping is love, time, patience and a good ear to listen. Help her get her voice back too. Help her to Talk and Be Heard. #TalkBeHeard



Here is the poem:

I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)


I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over—but I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldn’t go to work today because I didn’t want anyone to know—but I know
he’s sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him! But he
must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today….
Today was a special day—it was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Women’s Shelter, but I didn’t ask for
their help;
So I got flowers today—for the last time.

By Paulette Kelly

ã Copyright 1992 Paulette Kelly
All Rights Reserved


So last night I had a dream that I really really wish I hadn’t had. Have you ever had one of those? I kept trying to run away from the situation but just couldn’t seem to be successful. I was so upset, thankfully all dreams end and they’re not real. When I did wake up finally I woke my husband up too and was in tears, but I grabbed him and held on to him so tightly.

It was one of those dreams a rape victim NEVER wants to have. I dreamt that there was an article in the newspaper about the guy who raped me he was angry I accused him even after so many years and he decided to come after me, he unfortunately found someone who fit my description and she was killed. I was horrified by this I tried running away. I screamed after reading the article. I kept running trying to find a safe place but couldn’t find one. I was so scared.

I’m sure that ‘being’ never even has a single thought about me and hasn’t since that night. But I can’t not think about it. I am still his victim, why?  Why am I still allowing this hold? Why do any of us? I’m not sure. It’s a real struggle. But we will all get through it. Together.

I shared this dream with you, not to upset you or bring up any bad memories but to show that we all struggle, that when we Talk we are Heard.

Enjoy your holidays my friends. Happy memories.


Checking In

Hello! I haven’t made a blog in a while, I’ve been busy homeschooling. When, you meet a homeschooling mom and they tell you that it’s super easy and their kids love it and everything is roses and buttercups, send them my way, I want their secret. It’s not that bad but it’s definitely challenging.

So, now onto you, how are you doing? The holidays are approaching and winter is coming! These are the times when we can get the most discouraged and feel the most disappointed(with people and life and ourselves). We need to stay focused on the positives! So that’s what I’m going to try to attempt here. Try is the key word. Bear with me.

Let’s start here:

1 Corinthians 13:7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Love Is Faithful. How amazing is that. What great comfort we can have in this one fact.

God’s love is perfect. He will never leave us. Always there for us when we need someone; He rescues us, protects us.

Now a little fun:

Cute animals cheer almost anyone up, right? So when you’re feeling a little down come look at these cute picture and get a little lift.



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So now that I’ve cheered you up a bit, I hope, let’s keep this going. Share with your friends if you’d like. Laughter is the best medicine. Keep in contact with people and don’t lose hope. You are so beautiful, and strong, and amazing…just look at what you have gone through and you have overcome it and now you are stronger. Stay true to who you are never let them or anyone else change you. Please don’t forget to reach out to your friends and family either. There are people all around you willing to listen, I’m willing to listen.

Stay positive! Enjoy the holidays! & Remember  TALK, BE HEARD!!!


Getting Away

I read an article this morning about a moving company that helps women move out of their abusive homes into a safe place, better yet at NO COST. Wow, seems unheard of. The company is called Meathead Movers.

When they first started out they only asked for $20 and a pizza as a fee. So they’ve always been a great bunch of guys. They started getting calls from women in need of help moving from their abusive homes. They answered the calls willingly, but sometimes the abuser would show up mid move. They worked through it and moved the women out safely to a local women’s shelter where they where safe.

Beth Raub, director of the local women’s shelter, said that one of their staff is always on-site the day of the move so they can “call law enforcement if things get dicey.”

They were, in escence, knights in shining armor, their armor was their moving truck. They were heroes for these women, when they felt so lost.

They are only in California, for now, but who knows maybe others will be inspired to do the same.

I just so excited to see this article, to see that there are people out there helping each other. We need to be there for each other.

Here is the article so you can read it yourself.

Hotline Info

Here is some useful information for those of you in need. Please talk to someone, don’t be afraid, don’t feel ashamed. You are worthy You are beautiful You are amazing.


More about the Joyful Heart Foundation

A key aspect of Joyful Heart’s mission is to “shed light into the darkness” that surrounds the issues of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. We know that these issues can be difficult to read about and even more challenging to talk about. But we also know that they thrive in darkness and silence, and that learning more about the issues and discussing them is an important part of ending the shame, stigma and isolation faced by survivors—and of preventing violence before it begins.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or (TTY) 1-800-787-3224