Give Her A Voice

I read a poem today that really stood out to me. So many women are stuck in a situation where they feel uncomfortable, unsafe and unloved. Battered women, women who are physically, sexually, and emotionally abused find it difficult to leave. Whether they are dating, married, the daughter, sister; it doesn’t matter, its not easy to get away. Some situations make it harder, but everyone is equally traumatizing and wrong. I was in one my whole life and could not get out, but used to pray constantly for a way out. I used to dream about running away or sad to say it, being kidnapped (how tragic and wrong, I think back now and I’m glad I wasn’t). I am glad that I didn’t run away and that I wasn’t kidnapped, because I believe my life was to go the way it went so that I could be here at this moment writing this blog, encouraging others through my journey of abuse and rape. I would not have taught preschool and met my lifelong friend. I would not have met my husband or had my two beautiful girls. Yes, I suppose I could have gone on another journey but I don’t think I would have wanted it that way. I actually, like to share my story, although at times its more difficult than others, I know its helpful to many(and healing for me).  So, why do we stay? I’m not sure and I don’t even think we are even sure ourselves. I think that we’re afraid to leave, afraid that if we leave we’ll be followed, afraid that if we leave we will not find anyone else to love us because well, if we were abused we must not have been worthy enough (which is NOT true) the one who abused is not worthy. Everyone has a right to a decent loving relationship; one that is beautiful, caring, fair, and appropriate. If you know someone in such a situation, show them love, show them you truly care, and try to help them leave. There are many resources out there. It’s not easy to leave but it’s possible. I was blessed enough to have a grandmother to help me move out on my own, to get away. I was quite independent. But the key to helping is love, time, patience and a good ear to listen. Help her get her voice back too. Help her to Talk and Be Heard. #TalkBeHeard

 

 

Here is the poem:

I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)

angel

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over—but I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldn’t go to work today because I didn’t want anyone to know—but I know
he’s sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about
money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him! But he
must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today….
Today was a special day—it was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Women’s Shelter, but I didn’t ask for
their help;
So I got flowers today—for the last time.

By Paulette Kelly

ã Copyright 1992 Paulette Kelly
All Rights Reserved

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Butterflies

So, last night I watched Patch Adams, one of my favorites and now more so since the passing of a legend. Whenever I see it I cry but not for the reasons you may think. When Carin has that in-depth talk with Patch on the clinic porch about how men have always hurt her, Wow, that is my life. My Patch is my husband, Steve. I had always been used by guys, its a life I became accustomed to, how sad is that. Starting at such a young age too. I was either put down by negative words from my father or being molested by my brother or ogled at by the many men in the family circle. Sex had become a way of living for me and no one stopped it from happening, although I would cry out for help. And I’ve suppressed so many memories from my childhood but now as an adult there will be a smell or picture or movie that brings back a forgotten memory of being touched inappropriately or hurt in some way and I will wish I could just suppress the memory again..forget it forever. I’ve always disliked men with mustaches, they make me uncomfortable, I’ve never been able to figure that one out though. On many levels, I hope I never do. I have heard that scientists have discovered a way to delete all the negative memories of your past. Could this benefit a person, or harm them? Although, I have many negative memories from my past, most have made me a stronger person. I feel that, now as an adult, more mature, I am able to help and encourage those that have been where I was, struggling to find a way out. Just as I am doing now, blogging, sharing my stories, my life, my secrets. I never thought I would ever share these secrets with the world, but here I am tapping away on these keys telling the world, telling you. My only hope is that you gain strength from it that you find hope. I want you to know that you are not alone. So many girls, I was one of them for a long time, think that they are alone that it’s only happening to them and that no one will help them because, well who will believe such a story?…but it’s just not true, you can and deserve to be helped.

As for the Patch Adams reference, I used to pray that God would turn me into a butterfly so I could escape, Carin too wished she was a butterfly. I think at one time or another we all wish that. There used to be a show on tv when I was little, don’t ask me the name I can’t remember(lol), but the little girl used to sit in her window seat in her room (dreams can come true–I’ve always wanted one still do) and look up at the moon and talk to it. I too would talk to the moon just not in a window seat hoping for a miracle to occur. Sometimes I’d plan out my runaway plan or think about who would adopt me if the authorities finally stepped in. But none of those things happened, although one miracle did occur on June 17,2001, I met my best friend and now husband. I never thought he’d have such a major impact on my life. But that story is for another blog. =)

50 Shades of Love

50 Shades of Love

Instead of watching 50 shades of gray, try a few of these date ideas!

I want to empower women not make them feel belittled like that book/movie does. LOVE YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF

How to really show your love for someone.
1. Give them a kiss
2. Hug them
3. Forgive them, even if you don’t agree
4. Give them the last piece of chocolate in the box.
5. Let them choose the first piece.
6. Say ‘I love you’ before they do
7. Hold their hand.
8. Stroke their hair (I love this)
9. Write them a little love note
10. Tell them you like them
11. Pray for them
12. Cuddle
13. Hug some more
14. Go for a walk
15. Share lunch with them…maybe even a milkshake
16. Go to the bookstore together and read/relax
17. Go to the movies (don’t see 50 shades of gray though)
18. Play a game
19. Go for a hike
20. Take a nap together
21. Go kayaking or canoeing
22. Go on a double date with friends
23. Get icecream…be daring and try a new flavor
24. Go window shopping
25. Go to BJ’s and have dinner, via tge samples
26. Rewrite your vows and send them to each other
27. Learn a new hobby together
28. Dance in the kitchen once a week if not more
29. Hug
30. Play cards
31. Play games with your kids
32. Remember to always kiss and hug in front of your kids show them you love each other
33. Look at travel magazines and plan a dream vacation
34. Go on a mini vacation
35. STAYCATION with the kids
36. Go to a play
37. Learn a language together
38. Watch a romantic comedy together
39. Cook together
40. Learn how to cook together
41. Go to a wine tasting
42. Walk the beach
43. Go to an art museum
44. Visit the aquarium
45. Call them and tell them your thinking about them
46. Leave a love note in their lunch
47. Whisper sweet nothings in their ear
48. Go for a ride to nowhere with the windows open and talk about nothing
49. Walk through the park
50. Make love to your true love because that’s how it’s supposed to be