Give Her A Voice

I read a poem today that really stood out to me. So many women are stuck in a situation where they feel uncomfortable, unsafe and unloved. Battered women, women who are physically, sexually, and emotionally abused find it difficult to leave. Whether they are dating, married, the daughter, sister; it doesn’t matter, its not easy to get away. Some situations make it harder, but everyone is equally traumatizing and wrong. I was in one my whole life and could not get out, but used to pray constantly for a way out. I used to dream about running away or sad to say it, being kidnapped (how tragic and wrong, I think back now and I’m glad I wasn’t). I am glad that I didn’t run away and that I wasn’t kidnapped, because I believe my life was to go the way it went so that I could be here at this moment writing this blog, encouraging others through my journey of abuse and rape. I would not have taught preschool and met my lifelong friend. I would not have met my husband or had my two beautiful girls. Yes, I suppose I could have gone on another journey but I don’t think I would have wanted it that way. I actually, like to share my story, although at times its more difficult than others, I know its helpful to many(and healing for me).  So, why do we stay? I’m not sure and I don’t even think we are even sure ourselves. I think that we’re afraid to leave, afraid that if we leave we’ll be followed, afraid that if we leave we will not find anyone else to love us because well, if we were abused we must not have been worthy enough (which is NOT true) the one who abused is not worthy. Everyone has a right to a decent loving relationship; one that is beautiful, caring, fair, and appropriate. If you know someone in such a situation, show them love, show them you truly care, and try to help them leave. There are many resources out there. It’s not easy to leave but it’s possible. I was blessed enough to have a grandmother to help me move out on my own, to get away. I was quite independent. But the key to helping is love, time, patience and a good ear to listen. Help her get her voice back too. Help her to Talk and Be Heard. #TalkBeHeard

 

 

Here is the poem:

I Got Flowers Today
(Dedicated to Battered Women)

angel

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night;
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt;
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today.
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn’t believe that it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day;
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me;
It seemed unreal, a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares;
And I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over—but I know he is sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Valentines Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me;
Make-up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time;
I couldn’t go to work today because I didn’t want anyone to know—but I know
he’s sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day;
Last night he beat me again, and it was worse than all of the other times;
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about
money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him! But he
must be sorry;
Because he sent me flowers today.


I got flowers today….
Today was a special day—it was the day of my funeral;
Last night he killed me;
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him;
I could have received help from the Women’s Shelter, but I didn’t ask for
their help;
So I got flowers today—for the last time.

By Paulette Kelly

ã Copyright 1992 Paulette Kelly
All Rights Reserved

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Here is what I have to say about that….

When the news story came out about the Duggar Family, at first I was so angry, so hurt, so frustrated. How was I suppose to feel? I mean he victimized his sisters the same way I had been victimized by my brother. Not only that but the church and family pretty much brushed it under the rug, as they did to me. So, these girls were not only victimized once but now, years later, victimized again. I wanted to reach through the television and hug them, let them know that there was hope, that everything would be okay, that if I survived that could survive. I hope its true. Incest and molestation can happen to anyone, anywhere and at anytime. I wonder if those girls, all of them, had received the right kind of counselling. Were they told they were at fault, were they told to keep it a secret, were they made to feel ashamed? I know that I felt afraid at times living in the same house, imagine how they felt, they were so little. It happened to me from 11-17(when I was able to leave my house and leave). I was finally able to stand up and stop it. I hated it, it had to end. I had kept begging for help, but got nowhere. I even got into self-hurt just to get attention, still no one paid attention. So I went from being hurt to hurting myself. Just sad. Horrific that there are children and adults out there living such a life even now. Sin is evil but God is powerful. I can now use my story to help others heal. I have forgiven the ones who have hurt me, but I can no longer have a relationship with them for the safety of my children and for my own sanity. I couldn’t be part of a toxic relationship any longer. I still hurt because of the damage that was done, I still have flashbacks and it has caused me to have issues with my husband’s and my sex life, but we work through it together because we love each other. I seek out God for protection and love, He is always there for me and has always been there.

So, as far as the Duggar’s go, they are no better than anyone else, they sin just like we all do but it’s a shame that their life was dragged out before the world but they did that to themselves when they started a tv show, unfortunately. For the girl’s sake and for the sake of his wife and children, I pray that the publicity of it ends soon and that healing begins immediately and that no one else is hurt.

If you know someone who is in this situation please help them, please don’t make them feel ashamed, help them out of that horrible situation if you can, but most importantly LOVE them.

GOD-loves-you-more