You are not a doormat…You are Worthy

God says in His word that as wives we must submit to our husbands, nowhere in the Bible does it say that we must be doormats. I spoke to a woman today that was telling me how her husband expected her to do everything he told her to, when she says everything she meant it. And if she didn’t unfortunately she would pay the price, either through his emotional abuse, physical abuse or verbal abuse. I had another friend who had a boyfriend who would consistently beat her up and break her down, to the point one day that she almost died from the beating he gave her—for what reason?To show his power, to have control, because he’s better. There is no excuse for this. Why do men feel they are so powerful and have such control over women that they can do this? On the other hand, why do women feel they need to stay in that kind of relationship? Such a terrible, viscious, cycle that must end. I saw it happening in churches while growing up and thought that this must be how it is supposed to be, as I got older I matured in my faith and realized that, NO, this is not how women should be treated. I saw my father hit my mother over and over again and I experienced his hand too. He also hurt my sister and brother, for power. Women should be built up and honored and made to feel as though they are worthy, not put down not destroyed not damaged.

Unfortunately, as I have said before in other blogs, men have hurt me in some pretty brutal ways, but the worst offenders were the ones who were supposed to protect me. The men who are there to protect you and love you should not hurt you or break you down and make you feel less than you are. If that’s happening, you should most definitely find a friend in whom you can put your trust and tell them, allow them to help you.

So here’s an idea, let’s build these women up, let’s make them feel worthy, let’s make them feel whole! We need to make them feel as though they are beautiful amazing creatures, they were made by God, made to be part of His church body. We can do something to make a difference if we work together. Let’s create ideas. Let’s make them feel worthy that’s the most important thing!

What would you do if you were that woman? Do you know someone in a situation like this?

Are you one of these women? Are you in crisis? Are you being hurt? Are you afraid? If you answered yes to any of these questions, PLEASE get help. Talk to a friend.

We can also start out by praying for these women. There are so many of them around the world and they vary in ages.

You are Beautiful! You are Worthy! You are Loved!

Here is what I have to say about that….

When the news story came out about the Duggar Family, at first I was so angry, so hurt, so frustrated. How was I suppose to feel? I mean he victimized his sisters the same way I had been victimized by my brother. Not only that but the church and family pretty much brushed it under the rug, as they did to me. So, these girls were not only victimized once but now, years later, victimized again. I wanted to reach through the television and hug them, let them know that there was hope, that everything would be okay, that if I survived that could survive. I hope its true. Incest and molestation can happen to anyone, anywhere and at anytime. I wonder if those girls, all of them, had received the right kind of counselling. Were they told they were at fault, were they told to keep it a secret, were they made to feel ashamed? I know that I felt afraid at times living in the same house, imagine how they felt, they were so little. It happened to me from 11-17(when I was able to leave my house and leave). I was finally able to stand up and stop it. I hated it, it had to end. I had kept begging for help, but got nowhere. I even got into self-hurt just to get attention, still no one paid attention. So I went from being hurt to hurting myself. Just sad. Horrific that there are children and adults out there living such a life even now. Sin is evil but God is powerful. I can now use my story to help others heal. I have forgiven the ones who have hurt me, but I can no longer have a relationship with them for the safety of my children and for my own sanity. I couldn’t be part of a toxic relationship any longer. I still hurt because of the damage that was done, I still have flashbacks and it has caused me to have issues with my husband’s and my sex life, but we work through it together because we love each other. I seek out God for protection and love, He is always there for me and has always been there.

So, as far as the Duggar’s go, they are no better than anyone else, they sin just like we all do but it’s a shame that their life was dragged out before the world but they did that to themselves when they started a tv show, unfortunately. For the girl’s sake and for the sake of his wife and children, I pray that the publicity of it ends soon and that healing begins immediately and that no one else is hurt.

If you know someone who is in this situation please help them, please don’t make them feel ashamed, help them out of that horrible situation if you can, but most importantly LOVE them.

GOD-loves-you-more

Your Story Will Inspire Others

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I truly believe this statement…NOW. It took me so long to come to this point. I used to think that I was so different, that I was weird…why me am I the only one? Then I thought that everyone else lived the same way, when I realized that was not true I was extremely ashamed. I once had a girl in jr high school call me out and announce to the lunchroom that I was being molested and then so rudely said that I enjoyed it…I of course didn’t but I ran out and cried hysterically in the bathroom thinking everyone in there believed her. Why did I have to live through that horrible moment? But again, this was just part of my story that I can use to inspire others who are suffering. I would have never guessed then that my story would be helping others now or that I would even have the courage to share it.

Shame can do so much harm to a person, but we shouldn’t allow it to cut us down so low. We should never feel so ashamed of ourselves that we need to look to others for love or other things only to God.

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Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned before, I looked to other things and to men for ‘love’ for comfort. I thought it was what I needed to feel better. If I lose weight by taking ephedrine I’ll feel better, If I work 4 jobs and distract myself I’ll feel better, if I sleep with any guy willing to sleep with me then they love me (right?–wrong!), if I die all the pain will end……(thank God someone stepped in and stopped me from doing something stupid). None of these things worked, they only dulled the pain, how ironic. I knew they were wrong, I knew God said they were wrong, but I felt so out of control. It wasn’t until I got a wakeup call that I stopped and smelled the roses, so to say. I’m glad I got that call. I’m glad God gave me that second chance. (or was that the third or fourth)  That’s the best thing about Him…He’s the God of many chances. GRACE!!!!! When I was attending my first year of college I met a girl and she seemed scared and really upset when she got the call that her parents and brother were coming to visit, she asked if I would hang out with her, I said sure. We talked for a bit while she awaited their arrival. I decided to ask why she was nervous, she’d either tell me or say it was none of my business, right?  Well, she told me that her father and brother both abused her I felt so sick inside I decided to tell her that I too was being sexually and physically abused. I stuck by her side the whole visit. The family could sense that I knew something that I was upset with them. I protected her as much as I could the rest of the year. Later that day she thanked for being willing to share with her my story even though we just met. I said that I felt I needed to.

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He will always love us, He will always forgive us, He will always carry us. How amazing is that? God’s amazing grace.

So, don’t be ashamed to share your story it may help someone some day. You control your story your story doesn’t control you. (this is the next thing I need to take hold of)

Butterflies

So, last night I watched Patch Adams, one of my favorites and now more so since the passing of a legend. Whenever I see it I cry but not for the reasons you may think. When Carin has that in-depth talk with Patch on the clinic porch about how men have always hurt her, Wow, that is my life. My Patch is my husband, Steve. I had always been used by guys, its a life I became accustomed to, how sad is that. Starting at such a young age too. I was either put down by negative words from my father or being molested by my brother or ogled at by the many men in the family circle. Sex had become a way of living for me and no one stopped it from happening, although I would cry out for help. And I’ve suppressed so many memories from my childhood but now as an adult there will be a smell or picture or movie that brings back a forgotten memory of being touched inappropriately or hurt in some way and I will wish I could just suppress the memory again..forget it forever. I’ve always disliked men with mustaches, they make me uncomfortable, I’ve never been able to figure that one out though. On many levels, I hope I never do. I have heard that scientists have discovered a way to delete all the negative memories of your past. Could this benefit a person, or harm them? Although, I have many negative memories from my past, most have made me a stronger person. I feel that, now as an adult, more mature, I am able to help and encourage those that have been where I was, struggling to find a way out. Just as I am doing now, blogging, sharing my stories, my life, my secrets. I never thought I would ever share these secrets with the world, but here I am tapping away on these keys telling the world, telling you. My only hope is that you gain strength from it that you find hope. I want you to know that you are not alone. So many girls, I was one of them for a long time, think that they are alone that it’s only happening to them and that no one will help them because, well who will believe such a story?…but it’s just not true, you can and deserve to be helped.

As for the Patch Adams reference, I used to pray that God would turn me into a butterfly so I could escape, Carin too wished she was a butterfly. I think at one time or another we all wish that. There used to be a show on tv when I was little, don’t ask me the name I can’t remember(lol), but the little girl used to sit in her window seat in her room (dreams can come true–I’ve always wanted one still do) and look up at the moon and talk to it. I too would talk to the moon just not in a window seat hoping for a miracle to occur. Sometimes I’d plan out my runaway plan or think about who would adopt me if the authorities finally stepped in. But none of those things happened, although one miracle did occur on June 17,2001, I met my best friend and now husband. I never thought he’d have such a major impact on my life. But that story is for another blog. =)

A movie to empower women…

I obviously have not seen this movie yet as it is coming out soon, but it is a movie about healing. These are stories of heartache, sasadness, grief, torture, overcoming great obstacles, becoming a victim–becoming a heroess…. RAINN is a great organization that is helping young women(and men) who have faced sexual abuse/attacks, they help them through by showing them that they are more powerful than the assaulter YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO BE A VICTIM. Much like I’ve been saying.. Talk, Be Heard! You no longer need be silent. You are amazing, beautiful, and still usable; there’s something here for you to do, be a wonderful light in someone’s life. So stand tall, chin up and smile on! 😉 Here’s the link to the movie… https://rainn.org/news-room/February_2015_Hunting_Ground_Premiere

50 Shades Gone Bad

Well, its happened, some guy saw 50 Shades of Grey and figured he too could be swag and carry out the same scenes in real life. “Listen up buddy, it doesn’t work that way!” Should they have added a cautionary tag to the beginning of the movie for such idiots? “Please do not try this at home” My goodness, I just don’t understand it. Rape in itself is a disgusting act, but to act out these ‘scenes’ and then blame it on the movie is seriously wrong. Yes the book, movie -both not my cup of tea, my friends and family know where I stand on it, but the book nor movie nor author made this man commit the act-put the ideas in his head-YES.  Torturing women is just, well WRONG, it’s not love, promoting it shouldn’t be allowed but it is. Torturing anyone is wrong actually.

I will not give details because you may be reading this and be at a place in your life where you are trying to heal. You can use the power of Google to find the article if you want to see the whole article or email me to find out more. But know that what took place on that college campus was indeed horrific. The young lady will need intense healing and support.

The book and movie were put out to fill the needs of a few thousand people. I feel this way the book is annoying yes but it is what it is they should have just stopped there.

This just makes me sad and disgusted. I feel that this may only be the beginning. Let’s hope and pray it isn’t. What are your thoughts?

No Longer Defined

Does your past define you? Do you want it to? You no longer have to be a victim, did you know that? I didn’t for a really long time. I had to forgive myself I had to let go of the past. Release the past, allow what has defined you as the victim to fall to the side and instead build up your confidence and allow yourself to be known as a whole person a strong woman. You are a beautiful person and woman created by God, you are still able to be used by Him, did you know that? I didn’t, but now I do. You can always be used whatever the situation, as long as you are willing to be used by Him. We are meant to go through trials, God is there for us if we allow Him to help us and work through us during that trial then great things can happen, eventhough we may suffer for a short time.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and for that I believe that I went through the trials I did for a reason. I can use my past to help others who have suffered through similar situations. And I would never have the husband I have or the children I have had I not lived the life I lived. I love to tell people my story, I am no longer defined or ashamed, I did not bring this upon myself. I love knowing that people are healing through my story, through my past. Albeit a tragic past. I am so blessed also that God saved me from the road I was traveling down, saved by His grace. I am now No Longer Defined, free to Talk and Be Heard, this too can be you. Tell your story. And be willing to be used.

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